I’m not usually one at a loss for words, ask any of my dear family members (especially my dad!)! I can talk about most anything to anyone. But, as you are probably aware, lately, I am at a loss for words. There is not one particular reason for this, but it has happened and I’m going to attempt over the next few days to start blogging again. I don’t want to look back 5 years from now and wonder what happened during those three months when I went undercover!!
One of the biggest reasons for my lack of blogging is quite simple, lack of time!! Last November I proposed that our school hold it’s first “carnival” for families. Most of the PFO committee looked at me blankly because they had no idea what a school carnival was all about! I proceeded to explain that there would be games, food, and fun for the school community. The idea eventually caught on, although I just recently realized that most people were not completely tuned in until the event actually happened in mid-February!! I’m sure you are realizing by this point that since not too many people had participated in an event like this, it only made sense that I would head the committee! Thankfully, my dear friend Karen and I got a wonderful committee together and we started planning before we all left for Christmas. The planning did not take up too much time until right after we returned from Singapore - so, for tmost of January and February my mind was constantly thinking about the Winter Carnival! I will put up a post all about the carnival because it was a wonderful success!! We had so many families come out and spend the day playing and having fun - just what we all needed during February!!
Another reason for my hiatus is really the uncertainty of our situation right now. The carnival was probably a great thing for me to focus on because at the moment, we have no idea where we are going when Danny’s contract is up. Most of our friends who have been on expat assignments have been told or given a heads up a few months in advance of their next posting. We are approaching that time period and it scares me. I have been assuming all along that we would go back to the US, but now all the questions of how that is going to happen have begun to haunt me as the reality sets in. We have heard from several people that repatriating is not easy. Many claim that this transition is actually more difficult than going to a new country. I have a hard time believing this - how can going “home” be harder? When we left my heart broke leaving my family, friends, and the familiar behind. Now, I am preparing for another broken heart as we have to say good-bye to some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I guess I will also have to watch and prepare the little ones for their broken hearts. For them, China is home - Cooper has spent more of his life in China than he has in America. There is nothing harder than to watch your children struggle and try to come to terms with saying good-bye. We will also be saying good bye to a lifestyle that we quite enjoy! Holidays every few months, seeing parts of the world I never imagined I would see, these will all turn into beautiful memories! Saying good-bye to all of our helpers will not be easy. As much as they drive us crazy some days, they have made life here in Tianjin easier. I’m just not sure I am up to doing laundry and scrubbing toilets again!! And, saying good-bye to China will be difficult (when the fireworks wake me up for the umpteenth time tonight, I will regret writing this!). I have fallen in love with this country - quirks and all! Many days I feel like I live on a completely different planet, but that’s what makes China so enticing. So, yes, I can understand how this transition is not going to be easy on any of us and that really scares me and probably has caused me not to want to write about it. When it is written, I have to come to terms with my fears!
Another reason I have taken a leave of absence from writing is the simple fact that Cory (my cousin’s son) is fighting cancer. How does that affect me and my writing? I know it doesn’t make much sense, but I have been in Chris and Michelle’s shoes before, fighting for my child’s life. We were lucky and although our fight was tough, it was only five weeks of major ups and downs, they will be battling this beast for many years to come. I know their world has stopped, and I guess I just thought parts of mine should come to a stand still also. It is difficult to write about funny and disgusting habits of the locals when one of my family members is suffering the effects of chemo! However, the good news is, prayers are working for Cory and so is his treatment!! My heart is lighter just knowing they are seeing that the radiation (that caused tremendous amounts of pain) is killing the nasty tumor and for the first time since his diagnosis he is able to open his eye!! I’m sure there is laughter once again in their house and they are celebrating the gift of each day!
There is one other very big reason that I have not written lately, but you must wait for that in a later post...after I have updated what in the world we have been doing since January!!
Obviously words are coming back much easier than I anticipated!! Life does go on, sometimes I just need to take a back seat and enjoy seeing things from a different perspective!
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