A unique relationship!

I’ve decided that China and I have a love/hate relationship. There are plenty of reasons why I love living in China, but there are also plenty of reasons why I get very frustrated living here. Some days I wonder why China is still considered a “hardship” country, and then the next day I am quickly reminded why we are given an incentive to live here!

At the moment I am typing away on my Mac while we are driving through “big fog” on our way to Beijing. I began pondering my thoughts on living in China over the past four hours while we wasted time waiting for the highway to open. The highway closes often during the months of November through March due to fog. I have mentioned this before, along with the fact that many pregnant women from Tianjin and TEDA must go to Beijing 3 - 4 weeks before their due date because the last thing they want to do is be stressed about getting to the hospital when they are in labor. I digress!! Anyway, we are getting close to our 18 months (halfway mark in our contract) of living overseas, so really there is no better time than now to reflect on our life here!!

As I said before I love China for many reasons!! I love watching China change and modernize in her own special way. The people here are keen on their customs and beliefs, but at the same time they are curious about the world outside of China. For the first time, EMart (our local superstore) carried Halloween items. There was not a lot to choose from, but the interest is there and I bet next year there will be even more variety! There is a sense that they do not want to be completely westernized, but they do want to enjoy many traditions of the western world. I cannot wait to visit in 10 years and be amazed at how they modernize in their own way!

Although I do believe they are modernizing, I also believe some habits die hard. The spitting on the sidewalk is disgusting. And when my ayi insisted she must have the flu shot because she is surrounded by foreigners, I almost fell out of my chair. The hygiene practices will eventually improve, but for now, it is a daily battle to avoid being spit on!

I also love the people of China (for the most part!). I do not love all of their habits, but I do admire how they are grateful for what they have. In America we have many expectations of what we think we deserve. Many times hard work and perseverance are not part of the equation. Here, because of past events in this country, people are thankful for what they have and in my experience, even if they don’t have much, they want to share with you. For example, our art teachers do deserve to be paid for traveling about 40 minutes each way to and from our house, preparing a lesson, and then teaching a lesson to Ellie, however, they refuse any money that I offer. One of them summed it up by telling me that she was influenced at a young age by an art teacher that came to her house and she really desired doing that for someone else. I know there are many Americans that would maybe do the same thing, but sadly, I think most Americans would want something in return for their time and efforts. Sometimes I think, myself included, that we are so busy pursuing the American dream, that we forget to be thankful for our daily blessings.

At the same time, their gratefulness for “things” can also cause a lot of frustration for me. My ayi loves when I give her things and I am more than happy to do so when I do not want something. But when she digs through my garbage, I get a bit irritated. I obviously throw things away for a reason, they are either broken, spoiled, or not healthy. Yesterday I was throwing away yogurt that the kids did not eat at lunchtime and it was warm. She couldn’t believe I would throw it away. I attempted to explain that yogurt should be kept cold, but she wanted it anyway. I’m sure in her mind she is helping me be less wasteful, but it drives me crazy at times!!

I also love being part of a diverse community. This includes the Chinese, but it also includes all of the other countries represented in Tianjin. I know that when we return to the US, the kids will listen and care about happenings in other countries because that is where their friends will be. If a report comes out that the president is going to visit China, Japan, or Scotland, they will understand. If an earthquake strikes anywhere in Asia, they will immediately be effected and concerned. Our little world has grown immensely over these past 18 months!

But, as our world begins to encompass traditions of our friends and host country, I think we lose a bit of our American traditions. Last year I did not put much effort into important holidays and traditions because I was so busy taking in our new environment. This year I’m really trying to give the kids some of what they are missing in America. Our Halloween was fantastic, so now I am preparing for Thanksgiving. The kids are not taught about our Thanksgiving and why we celebrate in school. It is now my job to teach them and try to make memories with them. The only problem is, the memories I have from when I was young on holidays were being surrounded (literally) by the family I love so much, I truly wish I could give my kids that!!

We are very spoiled in our expat world here. Compared to locals, we live in luxurious accomodations (of course, we sometimes think otherwise!). We do have help in our houses which allows me to spend extra time with the little ones!! Pampering oneself is quite cheap and a great stress reliever! We get to go on quite lavish vacations to see parts of the world I never thought I would see!! We have drivers who somehow (it’s a miracle some days!) get us from point A to point B.

Of course, with these perks, comes the fact that we lose some control of our environments. Most people think having a driver is wonderful - who wouldn’t like to be chauffeured around on a daily basis, especially when you can play on your Mac! But, what many people don’t realize is that with a driver, you must have an immediate trust of their abilities, especially when you have three pieces of precious cargo!! I do not have that trust in my drivers, so instead of relaxing in the car, most times I sit on pins and needles praying that we make it through the intersection unharmed. Also, most drivers have very little formal education so they do not know any English, so if I want to go anywhere new, I have to figure out how to relay this to the driver. Then, since I can’t read the signs on the road, I have to just hope for the best! Letting go of control is not in my nature and at times, this really affects me in a negative way.

Many things have changed for us over the past 18 months, but the hardest thing about living overseas for me continues to be missing family and friends. I have grown used to being apart from my family because that is my new normal, but I can attest that it has not gotten easier!!

Sometimes it is necessary to vent and at the same time appreciate this journey we are on! We are excited to see what the next 18 months will bring, but at the same time, we are excited that the cup is truly half full and in the not so distant future we will get “the call” saying it is time to come home!!